Mercedes Maybach G650 Landaulet

Ha! What the hell do you say about something like this? It’s just so fundamentally preposterous it obviates satire. It makes the F150 Raptor look like a chaste, cross-legged curtsy. It is fittingly going to be sold almost exclusively to people who have earned it’s cost of the backs and blood of others labour.

And that’s the problem, isn’t it?

mercedes-maybach-g650-landaulet-1

It’s probably pretty clear by now that we here at Dropped Clutch don’t think much of trucks. It’s not that we can’t appreciate the brute, utilitarian force and the single-mindedness of it’s performance; it’s just that they’re driven so needlessly by oopma’s that are clearly compensating. They’re the automotive equivalent of some dick standing with his chest out. It’s like wanting to wear a gun out in public and not realizing how weak that makes you look.

However:

If you’re going to have a truck, give it a biturbo V12 AMG engine good for 630HP and 738LBS/T. Make it 17.5′ long and 7.5′ tall and only gets 13mpg. Fuck a bench in the back, make it a four-seater and make it so that the roof over the back seats retracts.

But then don’t sell it to jabronis who only take it to coffee shop parking lots and shitty concerts and events: make it for real assholes, guys who know they’re dicks and don’t give a shit. Sell it to the guy who literally has slaves, not the chode who can’t decide on his favourite AC/DC song.

mercedes-maybach-g650-landaulet-7

Anyway, I can’t hate the G650 Landaulet: to hate it is to honour it.

 

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