2018 Mustang: Party Trick for Dumb People

Ford have unveiled a new feat of engineering on the upcoming refresh of the Mustang, a development that will shock the auto world and revolutionize the consumer vehicle market.

The start button, long an agonizingly dull button, will now, having been triggered by the door unlocking, will pulse, goddamnit. Pulse like the resting heart of a majestic pony. It will pulse with anticipation until pressed, unleashing the fury of a herd of dimwitted horses resting in the engine.

Like, wow. Imagine the future this promises: automated laser pointers that the mouth-breathing Mustang owner can chase around the cockpit; whoppee cushions in the passengers seat for a little naughty fun; CD’s hanging from the rearview mirror to blind the driver with an errant flash of sun.

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Where, as a people, a society, a culture, do we go from here?

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